above: out in chueca last night, below: mis compis del piso. We were bought mugs. I am on the left, Kris is in the middle and Davide is on the right.

Last night I cooked octopus for the first time. It would have been better if I hadn’t over-salted it. No photo I’m afraid. There was also lemon drizzle cake for afters.

It was a sort of good bye course party, because we’ve practically finished (three essays yet to write, teaching practice to do and a final lesson next friday).

This is a mussel empanada that I made a little while ago. It was good, but I put too much yeast in. People think it’s weird to make your own dough/pastry/cake mix.

This is for the Spanish speakers out there, it is funny.

This is toast and hagelslag (brought from the netherlands for me by the lovely Ilja) and a cup of tea – my pre-exam prep.

Yesterday I woke up with terrible hair. I got up and, after a shower, I had some serial for breakfast. I looked in the letter box but there wasn’t any male so I went out to the shoe shop. The shoe cellar sold me a pear of sighs eleven shoes. I went out of the shop and herd some music so beautiful that I let out several deep size. The hole world seemed to stop. Whoever was playing this wonderful music deserved a meddle.

One day, two different types of music:

This guy decided to play outside our flat window, very, very loudly, while his mates cajoled people into throwing money down from their balconies.

And then in the evening we went to a free concert. Which was a lot of fun.

Hello, I don’t think I’ve introduced you to Sebastian, my bicycle:

Strictly speaking, he’s not actually mine, I have him on long-term loan, and he’s not without his faults – his front brake keeps popping off, for example, and his wheels are so small that going anywhere fast is a bit of an impossibility… but he’s my new friend, and I love him dearly… theoretically he’s saving me money, so I don’t have to buy so many metro tickets – though how long that’ll last I don’t know, and he’s helping me to shift my gut, again in theory. Still he’s getting a lot of use, I’m cycling about an hour a day, though at the end of the TEFL course I don’t know how much I’ll be able to use him.

Now Madrid’s roads, there’s the real problem. I always said I wouldn’t ever cycle here, because it’s an unfriendly city to cyclists, and, to tell the truth, it scares me senseless every time I push off into traffic. And I still haven’t worked out how to turn left!

Today I got clipped for the first time, thankfully only by a scooter overtaking me on the inside, but still, I wonder if I’ve got myself a deathtrap.

But let’s look on the bright side, it is satisfying to get around a big city under my own steam, and interesting to see it from such a different angle, and one day, maybe, the taxi drivers won’t be so angry at my existence.

So, I was on holiday in Greece. Normally on holiday I keep a diary, but this time I couldn’t be bothered, so I kept an imaginary twitter feed instead, written in my notebook, just to prove how much of a geek I am. Here it is:

• A Basque got me drunk last night.
• In Greece, speaking a little Greek, some English and quite a lot of Spanish.
• Weirdly proud that the Australian with the nettop thought I was Spanish.
• Sitting in the port, drinking a beer, watching the people go by.
• Jo B and Marcus should be here to play Yellow Car.
• Ah! The insanity of travelling economy in a Greek ferry.
• Chatting with a very friendly Greek girl about ballet you do lying on the floor.
• Geek!
• Saying byebye to three very friendly Greeks who filled me up with advice and pizza.
• Ha! Spaniards who don’t know I understand what they’re saying.
• Campsite very empty, only population fat naked men, wondering if being played cruel joke.
• Nuts in May.
• I came to Greece to be naked, oh yes I did.
• There is a guy standing on the dunes literally rotiserying himself.
• The rotisery guy’s trunks descend a little with each revolution.
• First Mythos of the day. Might well be relaxing too hard for my own good.
• Stop eating me!
• First ouzo of the trip.
• Now that’s what I call a Souvlaki
• Apologies Spain, but I swear that’s the beast tomato I’ve tasted in my life – like suckling at Athena’s teat.
• The disposable tablecloth has a better map of Naxos than the one I paid for.
• Watching the Poles and their caravans (there are quite a lot of them).
• Right, I’m in Greece so…. must be time for Len Deighton.
• Never on Sunday.
• Today: Rotisery Virgin – less nudity, more holiness.
• Witch Hazel baby.
• Yeah, no, probably shouldn’t of turned my phone on.
• Cats are evil, anyone who doesn’t know this is probably in thrall.
• Mmmmmm… octopus = good.
• If you ever spot me displaying affection towards a cat there is a sure and swift solution – a crossbow bolt between the eyes. If you don’t have a crossbow you may batter me with planks.
• Parva leves capiunt animos.
• “And yet as no nation produces so many drunken quarrels, especially among the lower people, as England.”
• Last day in Naxos, probably time for a beer.
• Using my powers of Spanish for good (powers of English also).
• I love the Spanish and their huevos.
• Of course, we all know Greeks sound like they’re raising hell even when they’re making love, so maybe it’s actually a mutual appreciation society.
• Really, baby, I’m all about the Whiskey Sour.
• Making love, by the way, meant in the old fashioned sense, as Michelle Pfifer said to Daniel Day Lewis.
• (Though I’m reading Fielding, not Whalton).
• Ok. Time to indulge my fish-tooth – we’re going: Octopus, shrimp, baby calamari, swordfish, plus a Greek Salad. Mmmmmmmmmm.
• Too many cocktails to pan.
• Watching the sun go down over the harbour with a beer and a plate of octopus. What could be better?
• Now, I’ll admit – I’m easy to please when it comes to food, but there’s food and then there’s orgasmic food and give me four courses of orgasmic food for 12 euros and I’ll be your friend forever.
• Ok, bored of being alone now.
• Well now, that gave me a fright – there’s a girl in the boy’s loos.
• Hmmm… Might have picked the wrong campsite.
• The man in the tent next door is snoring so ridiculously he must be a comic on ITV. The girls on the other side giggle every time.
• Wow! Look! A donkey!
• Mad dogs and Englishmen.
• Found a shady grove, ’bout time too, I was about to explode!
• Well, they told me this island was dificult – no kidding – Day 1: Island 1 – John 0.
• Day 2: 2 – 0 to John. Tomorrow’ll be a rest day I think.
• Octopus on a washing line.
• Does  that woman really have a knife strapped to her calf?
• Somebody should shoot those dogs (snailsnail – friend to no animal).
• You’ll have noticed there’s not been much imaginary tweeting going on now that I’ve stopped drinking cocktails.
• Sitting in a taverna in a tiny village on a hill. Drinking and writting.
• Switched on Bach.
• Didn’t take on the island yesterday, bussed it instead.
• It’s only 8.50am and already 1 – 0 to John.
• Somebody mis-translated “beach”.
• I wish this naked lady would go bother someone else.
• The massivest wasp ever just tried to suicide in my Mythos. I rescued it with a knife.
• “the sardine is much maligned but, I think, a little wonder of the sea.”
• That’s the kind of conversational fare you come up with after you’ve been more or less silent for two weeks.
• On second thoughts, maybe the culprit is the sunshine and cheese diet.
• Watching a massive bug crawling out of the hole you’re pooing into = not the best way to start the morning… better than having your tent invaded by ants though.
• I flushed that bad-boy, I’m sure it’ll be back, bigger and more mutated than ever, to terrorise the next camper with their bum bared over the hole – that, however, shall not be me.
• It’s cloudy! WTF?
• Still hotter than the boil in a beggar’s armpit though.
• Imaginary crab?
• Oh dear, I appear to have trodden on a sea urchin.
• Oh dear, I actually seem to have bought quite a lot of alcohol.
• Well, goodbye island.
• This ferry ride is interminable (not strictly speaking – 9 hours).
• Do you have baggages? Leave it on us.

Ok, let’s do this thing.

Blogging hole – filled, at least that’s the plan.

Right… wham bam thank you man.

• Finished my teaching job in the school on not the best terms with my boss, but
• immediately forgot all that by going to Greece, where
• I didn’t have a clue what to do, but
• had a fantastic time on the beautiful island of Amorgos, then
• came back to the UK, spent a few days in the Bay, followed by
• going to the fantastic wedding of Mike and Bethan, and
• a day spent with old friend Carl, who I’d not seen for nigh-on 4 years, then
• up to cambridge to stay for a few days with Cat and Ash and a brief reunion with brother Ben, before
• going to the south of France with Cat, where
• strange things happened, and then
• back to the UK for three weeks, where
• I worked back in my old job, and
• caught up with old friends, and
• all the usual stuff – spent too much time in pubs before, finally
• heading back to Spain to look for work and a place to live, again, though
• without much success, however,
• after moving house four times, and
• giving up looking for work, started
• a TEFL course, which continues, managed,
• despite being poor, to go to Aragon for a weekend of white water rafting and canyoning,
• and am settling in nicely to my new flat…

Well it’s true they spin
They
Borrow libros
Come
Back again
Let you know
That that
Was not
In their vocabulary
Let you swim
Or
Sink

Well it’s true they teach
You the right words to speak
They let you in on
Secrets
They
Pay your taxes

Or
let you
Sink

And well it’s true
They
Listen to the same song
Over and over again
They
Take you out
Split the bill and
Kiss
Goodnight

Well it’s true they
Ring your phone when
The time ain’t right
They cash your cheque
Well
When
Your account’s run dry

They smoke and
Blow
Smoke into your eyes
They
Don’t
Write
A single blog post
In an age
Maybe
They don’t talk to you at all.